BOOKS

Miscarriages

I Never Held You; Ellen M. DuBois;
If you’ve miscarried, you don’t need medical jargon-you need someone who understands what you’re going through and doesn’t dismiss it. In this groundbreaking book, author Ellen DuBois tells of her painful experiences after miscarriage and shares tools that helped get her through the toughest of times-from prayer to relaxation techniques. I Never Held You validates a woman’s grief and gently suggests ways to get through the grief process. If you’re looking for understanding and help after miscarriage, this is the book for you. I Never Held You; Ellen M. DuBois; If you’ve miscarried, you don’t need medical jargon-you need someone who understands what you’re going through and doesn’t dismiss it. In this groundbreaking book, author Ellen DuBois tells of her painful experiences after miscarriage and shares tools that helped get her through the toughest of times-from prayer to relaxation techniques. I Never Held You validates a woman’s grief and gently suggests ways to get through the grief process. If you’re looking for understanding and help after miscarriage, this is the book for you.

Miscarriage – A Book for Parents experiencing fatal death; Joy and Marv Johnson;
This book covers: Feelings, Reaching Out, Dads, Your Baby, Single Moms, Other Children, Fears, The Community, and Moving On.

Miscarriage, a Man’s Book; Rick Wheat;
From the Book: “I hope what you read in this booklet will help you with your own grief, help you share and understand your wife’s grief, and help you know what you can do to better navigate the difficult days which lie ahead. I’ve been where you are. What you read here is based on my own experiences. Much of this book is about your wife and her grief. However, as you read, I believe you’ll find yourself in these pages. Every word you read about your wife’s grief applies to you. What you read about your wife’s needs might remind you of your own needs. And what you read about protecting your relationship will certainly be for your benefit as well as for hers.”

Miscarriage: Women Sharing from the Heart; Marie Allen and Shelly Marks;
The authors provide a wealth of supportive empowering information based on extensive research and their own personal experiences with miscarriage. Over 17 million women in America have had miscarriages; this important work will help them to deal with the grief, guilt and denial associated with the loss of their babies. Features the voices of 100 women who have experienced miscarriage and offers excellent insight into the social and psychological ramifications of this tragic end to pregnancy.

Too Soon a Memory, 2011 Edition (English and Spanish); Pat Schwiebert;
From the Introduction: “This book is written for you who have experienced an early pregnancy loss, commonly known as a miscarriage, during that time in your pregnancy when your baby was still a “secret” nestled close to your heart–and when your body showed only subtle signs of the life growing within you.” “As you read this booklet you need not be overly concerned if you are not experiencing all the feelings which will be described in these pages. How much you care is not measured by the intensity of the grief that you display. Own the feelings you do have and don’t worry about the rest. It is our hope that this book will validate your loss however you experience it.”

Unspeakable Losses: Healing from Miscarriage, Abortion, or Other Pregnancy Loss; Kim Kluger-Bell;
Healing from Miscarriage, Abortion, and Other Pregnancy Loss. This comforting and healing book is a must–not only for women who have at one-time experienced pregnancy loss but also for their parents, sisters, daughters, brothers, and friends. Kim Kluger-Bell’s extensive fieldwork as a therapist specializing in the psychodynamics of reproductive crises strips away the shrouds of silence surrounding pregnancy losses and abortions, giving new voice to these “unspeakable losses.” Filled with in-depth stories of those who have experienced losses and solid, practical advice with mourning rituals and services, Unspeakable Losses is a necessary companion to all those who have experienced pregnancy loss and those who care about them.

 

Loss of a Child During or Shortly After Birth

A Gift of Time; Deborah L. Davis and Amy Kuebelbeck;
A Gift of Time is a gentle and practical guide for parents who are (or are considering) continuing their pregnancy knowing that their baby’s life will be brief. When prenatal testing reveals that an unborn child is expected to die before or shortly after birth, some parents will choose to proceed with the pregnancy and to welcome their child into the world. With compassion and support, A Gift of Time walks them step-by-step through this challenging and emotional experience—from the infant’s life-limiting prenatal diagnosis and the decision to have the baby to coping with the pregnancy and making plans for the baby’s birth and death. A Gift of Time also offers inspiration and reassurance through the memories of numerous parents who have loved a child who did not survive. Their moving experiences are stories of grief—and of hope. Their anguish over the prenatal diagnosis turns to joy and love during the birth of their child and to gratitude and peace when reflecting on their baby’s short life. Based on material from more than 100 parents from across the U.S., Canada, Europe, and Australia, A Gift of Time draws extensively from parent experiences and includes many direct quotes that tell powerful stories of their own. Full of practical suggestions for parents and for caregivers, it also features the innovative concept of perinatal hospice/palliative care. Caring and thoughtful, the book helps parents embrace the extraordinary time they will have with their child.

Couple Communication After a Baby Dies. Differing Perspectives; Sherokee Ilse, Tim Nelson;
Couple Communication presents practical perspectives on the differences and similarities of men and women who grieve. This book includes the stories of two imperfect couples (the Ilse’s and the Nelson’s) who have endured over 20+ years each of the ups, downs, and togetherness since their babies died.

Empty Arms; Coping with Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Infant Death –
Surviving the Hours and Beyond (English and Spanish); Sherokee Ilse;
This classic book, with over 350,000 in print, is one of the first given to newly bereaved parents to offer support and guidance in decision-making after their baby’s death and to assist caregivers as they support families. Empty Arms encourages families to meet their babies and say hello before rushing to say goodbye. With compassion that comes from Sherokee and David’s experience of having lived through the death of their son Brennan and miscarried baby Marama, the book offers guidance and practical suggestions for the decision-making at the time (including why and how one might see, hold, and memorialize one’s baby) and over time (such as how to handle such times as anniversaries, holidays and the birth of other babies in the parents’ close circle.) Family and friends can learn how to understand the loss and be supportive of the bereaved families. It offers ongoing support about subjects such as returning to work or to life, couple grieving, surviving children, feeling guilty, having another child or not, and feeling lonely. This book touches the hearts of families at the time of their loss and over time as they heal. An excellent bibliography and resource section are included.

Empty Cradle Broken Heart. Surviving the Death of your Baby; Deborah L. Davis;
The heartache of miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death affects thousands of U.S. families every year. Empty Cradle, Broken Heart offers reassurance to parents who struggle with anger, guilt, and despair after such tragedy. Deborah Davis encourages grieving and makes suggestions for coping. This book strives to cover many different kinds of loss, including information on issues such as the death of one or more babies from a multiple birth, pregnancy interruption, and the questioning of aggressive medical intervention. There is also a special chapter for fathers as well as a chapter on “protective parenting” to help anxious parents enjoy their precious living children. Doctors, nurses, relatives, friends, and other support persons can gain special insight. Most importantly, parents facing the death of a baby will find necessary support in this gentle guide. If reading this book moves you to cry, try to accept this reaction. Your tears merge with those of other grieving parents. A purpose of this book is to let bereaved parents know that they are not alone in their grief. With factual information and the words and insights of other bereaved parents, you can establish realistic expectations for your grief. Empty Cradle, Broken Heart is meant to help you through these difficult experiences by giving you things to think about, providing suggestions for coping and encouraging you to do what you need to survive your baby’s death. Whether your baby dies recently or long ago, this information can be useful to you.

Forever Angels; Eliane Stillwell;
Instructions on making angels in honor of your loved one. Healing activities include: Baking a Batch of Angel Cookies, Creating Angel Decorations, Painting Wooden Angels, and more. It’s simple. You design each Angel in memory of your special person and you can make as many as you like. Telling the world about this person, whether it be grandma or grandpa, mom or dad, sister or brother, relative, dear friend, or family pet, makes your heart sing. After you have put on the finishing touches, you can give these handmade Forever Angels to people you choose, sharing your special person with them.

Healing Together; Sandra Lovell, Marcie Lister;
This compact book covers ideas for a memorial service to talking together. Information on how men and women grieve differently and how to strengthen your relationship after the loss of your baby.

Healing your Grieving Heart after Stillbirth; Raelynn Maloney, Alan D. Wolfelt;
The stillbirth of a hoped-for child is an inexplicable loss of hopes and dreams of a new life–to the parents, to the siblings this baby may have, to the extended family, and to friends. The impact of this overwhelming loss is profound and life-changing. This compassionate guide contains 100 practical ideas to help those affected by the tragedy of stillbirth. Some of the ideas teach about the principles of grief and mourning. Others offer practical, action-oriented tips for coping with the natural difficulties of this loss, such as communication between spouses, explaining the death to others, reconciling anger or guilt, remembering the baby who died, and many others.

I Will Hold You in My Heart Forever; Michelle Murray;
A Baby Book for Little Angels. CHAPTERS INCLUDE: In the Beginning, Pregnancy Moments, Family Tree, Showers, The World Around You, Hello Little One, Your Illness, Hospital Stay, Taking Care of You, Every Day a Miracle, The Day You Died, Funeral Details, Final Resting Place, Hopes and Dreams, Holding You in My Heart, Websites and Support Groups.

Life Touches Life: A Mother’s Story of Stillbirth and Healing; Lorraine Ash;
Life Touches Life is for stillbirth parents shocked by the death of their child. It brings them solace and perspective and shows how one stillbirth mother reordered her inner life in the aftermath of her daughter’s death. It also is for those who love stillbirth parents and want to understand and help them but are hesitant to approach such difficult emotional terrain. Life Touches Life is a full-blown, real-life road map of the emotional and spiritual journey of stillbirth that does not hold back or give way to theories or platitudes about grief. The reader also will learn why stillbirth happens, how often and to whom.

No New Baby (English and Spanish); Marilyn Gryte;
For Siblings Who Have a Brother or Sister Die Before Birth. A wise Grandmother explains that you are not to blame and we don’t always have the answers. “Grandma took hold of my hand. She leaned over and picked something up off the ground. See this little bud? she asked. It was supposed to keep growing and turn into a flower. But it didn’t, and no one knows why. Most little buds become flowers, but some don’t. This one died. It will never be a flower now. I said.” Offers some guidelines to parents on how to talk to your child about the loss of your baby.

Pregnancy After a Loss: A Guide to Pregnancy after a Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Infant Death; Carol Lanham;
For a woman who has experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of an infant, conceiving another child can be fraught with mixed emotions. This guide, filled with up-to-date medical information and written by a woman who herself experienced a successful pregnancy after the loss of her first baby, can help women cope with their anxiety. It offers guidance for women asking such questions as:

  • Why did it happen—and how can I make sure it doesn’t happen again?
  • Will my next pregnancy be considered high-risk?
  • How long should I wait before getting pregnant again?
  • What can I expect at prenatal exams?
  • Will I ever be able to love another baby as much as I love the one I lost?

Pregnancy after a loss can be a time of great emotional upheaval—but also, a time of healing and hope. With this sensible, sensitive guide, women can put their minds at ease—and learn to look forward to the future as they make peace with the past.

Tender Fingerprints; Brad Stetson;
This is the powerfully insightful and emotionally compelling account of profound personal loss, the crisis of faith it caused, and the invigorated Christian commitment that resulted.

When a Baby Dies; Faith Ewald, Martha Jo Church, Helene Chazin;
Written to help give parents insights into the grieving process by those who have personally experienced the death of an infant. Covers the grief response, facing the world again, family members, and another pregnancy.

When Hello Means Goodbye (English and Spanish); Pat Schwiebert;
This sensitive booklet is a help to families during the early days of their grief. It helps answer questions and prepare parents for the days ahead. It can be given to parents at the first acknowledgment of their baby’s death to help them best use the short time they’ll have with their little one. Among topics covered are: collecting keepsakes; ways to celebrate the birth and death of a baby; reasons for seeing, holding and naming a dead baby; emotions common to bereaved parents; information about autopsies; where to find help; and the unique situations of fathers, siblings, and grandparents. Contains beautiful poetry.

 

Loss of a Child

Force of Will; Mike Stavlund;
There is hope—even when there is no happy ending.  When Mike Stavlund’s four-month-old son suddenly died, a flood of cards, flowers, meals, phone calls, and gifts let his family know that they were loved and cared for. Less welcome were the books, in particular the religious books. Often impossibly upbeat, saccharine sweet, and with all kinds of confident promises, they were too painful to read and too offensive to bear.  Instead Mike wrote this book, one week at a time during that first terrible year. A Force of Will explores the stark reality of loss, the alienation from all of life, the feeling of suffocation at the hands of the well-meaning people gathered around, and the sense of being abandoned by God.  If you’re experiencing difficulty, this heartfelt book will help you to confront with honesty what you are going through without making you feel guilty.

Mommy Please Don’t Cry, No Tears in Heaven; Linda Deymaz;
Mommy, Please Don’t Cry is a book of love and comfort for mothers who have experienced the deep sorrow of losing a child. Serene illustrations frame gentle words that describe heaven from a child’s perspective. With room for the reader’s personal reflections at the end of the book, every page is a poignant gift of hope and healing. “Our stories are all different, but our pain is the same,” writes Linda. “We are mothers who will forever grieve the loss of our children. And yet, there is hope for our troubled souls.”

Suicide of a Child; Adina Wrobleski;
This book is for you if you have had a child complete suicide. It doesn’t matter what age your child was young or middle-aged, you are still a parent and you are experiencing a deep grief. We’ll take a look at the feelings you may have, the ways you can relate to other people, your marriage, your other children and what you can do to take care of yourself.

When a Baby Dies; Faith Ewald, Martha Jo Church, Helene Chazin;
Written to help give parents insights into the grieving process by those who have personally experienced the death of an infant. Covers the grief response, facing the world again, family members, and another pregnancy.

When Hello Means Goodbye (English and Spanish); Pat Schwiebert;
This sensitive booklet is a help to families during the early days of their grief. It helps answer questions and prepare parents for the days ahead. It can be given to parents at the first acknowledgment of their baby’s death to help them best use the short time they’ll have with their little one. Among topics covered are: collecting keepsakes; ways to celebrate the birth and death of a baby; reasons for seeing, holding and naming a dead baby; emotions common to bereaved parents; information about autopsies; where to find help; and the unique situations of fathers, siblings, and grandparents. Contains beautiful poetry.

 

Loss of a Parent

Healing the Adult Child’s Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas After Your Parent Dies; Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D;
Offering heartfelt and simple advice, this book provides realistic suggestions and relief for an Adult child whose parent has died. Practical advice is presented in a one-topic per page format that does not overwhelm with psychological language, but provides small, immediate ways to understand and reconcile grief.

How to Survive the Loss of a Parent; A Guide for Adults; Louise F. Akner;
Many people who usually function well are thrown for a loop when a parent dies. They are surprised at the complex feelings of loss, love, anger, and guilt and at the unresolved issues that emerge.

 

 

Loss of a Sibling

Healing the Adult Sibling’s Grieving Heart; Alan D. Wolfelt;
When your adult brother or sister dies, part of you dies, too. Whether your sibling died as a young or older adult, whether the death was sudden or anticipated, this compassionate and easy-to-use resource is for you. Turn to any page and seize the day by taking a small step toward healing.

No New Baby (English and Spanish); Marilyn Gryte;
For Siblings Who Have a Brother or Sister Die Before Birth. A wise Grandmother explains that you are not to blame and we don’t always have the answers. “Grandma took hold of my hand. She leaned over and picked something up off the ground. See this little bud? she asked. It was supposed to keep growing and turn into a flower. But it didn’t, and no one knows why. Most little buds become flowers, but some don’t. This one died. It will never be a flower now. I said.” Offers some guidelines to parents on how to talk to your child about the loss of your baby.

Surviving the Death of a Sibling; T. J. Wray;
Living Through Grief When an Adult Brother of a Sister Dies. When T.J. Wray lost her 43-year-old brother, her grief was deep and enduring and, she soon discovered, not fully acknowledged. Despite the longevity of adult sibling relationships, surviving siblings are often made to feel as if their grief is somehow unwarranted. After all, when an adult sibling dies, he or she often leaves behind parents, a spouse, and even children—all of whom suffer a more socially recognized type of loss. Based on the author’s own experiences, as well as those of many others, Surviving the Death of a Sibling helps adults who have lost a brother or sister to realize that they are not alone in their struggle. Just as important, it teaches them to understand the unique stages of their grieving process, offering practical and prescriptive advice for dealing with each stage.

Who will Feed My Goldfish; Denien Vittorio Wilde;
“Who Will Feed My Goldfish?” is the story of a young girl who must face two different loses in her life; the loss of a beloved pet and the loss of a cherished younger brother. Lily finds that sometimes we do not always have answers to our questions. She discovers there is a place all creatures go after death where we are happy and have all we need; a place where we live with God. Lily learns that facing loss and expressing her grief are the first steps to healing her heart.

 

 

Loss of a Spouse

I’m Grieving as Fast as I Can; Linda Fienberg;
A guide for young widows and widowers through the normal grieving process that highlights the special circumstances of an untimely death. Young widows and widowers share thoughts and dilemmas about losing a loved one, what to tell young children experiencing a parent’s death, returning to work and dealing with in-laws.

Healing a Spouse’s Grieving Loss: 100 Practical Ideas After Your Husband or Wife Dies; Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.;
Offers 100 practical, here-and-now suggestions for helping widowers or widows mourn well so that they can go on to live well and love well again.

Finding Your Way After Your Spouse Dies; Marta Felber;
Felber offers a voice caring, hopeful, always pointing ahead to a tomorrow that will be a little easier than today. This book shies away from none of the difficult issues of bereavement.

 

Father’s Grief

Father’s Grieve Too (English and Spanish); Joy and Marv Johnson;
Helpful information for men. Makes a wonderful handout.

Guide for Fathers: When a Baby Dies; Tim Nelson;
This pocket-sized book is for men who experience the death of their infant child — whether it be miscarriage, stillbirth or early infant death. Meant to be a guide during the early hours and days after finding out the news of their baby’s death, the book offers suggestions for communicating with medical caregivers, offering support to their partner, telling the news to other children, making funeral arrangements and taking care of themselves in a time of crisis. It goes on to talk about effective communications during the weeks and months following the loss, going to a support group, returning to the workplace, and the issues surrounding a subsequent pregnancy.

Men and Grief; Carol Staudacher;
“Men and Grief” is an insightful and thought-provoking look at the problems men face as they experience the emotionally painful times of their lives.

Miscarriage, a Man’s Book; Rick Wheat;
From the Book: “I hope what you read in this booklet will help you with your own grief, help you share and understand your wife’s grief, and help you know what you can do to better navigate the difficult days which lie ahead. I’ve been where you are. What you read here is based on my own experiences. Much of this book is about your wife and her grief. However, as you read, I believe you’ll find yourself in these pages. Every word you read about your wife’s grief applies to you. What you read about your wife’s needs might remind you of your own needs. And what you read about protecting your relationship will certainly be for your benefit as well as for hers.”

 

Grandparent’s Grief

For Bereaved Grandparents; Margaret H. Gerner;
Grief is the normal reaction to a loss. We experience grief throughout our lives. A pet dies. A friend moves away. Our children go off to college. We lose a job. We grieve these losses, but we don’t always realize that’s what we are doing. With a grandchild’s death, we face one of life’s most painful griefs. For Bereaved Grandparents

Grieving Grandparents; Lori Leininger & Sherokee Ilse;
Grieving Grandparents is a practical exploration of the anguish, sorrow and sense of helplessness that grandparents feel when their beloved grandchild dies. Critical information is shared to aid grandparents as they attempt to comfort and support their children who suffer, while they also learn to cope with their own grief. Many specific examples will make a difference in their children’s lives.

 

Children/Teen Books

After a Death: Activity Book for Children; Amy Barrett Lindholm;
This easy-to-use workbook is designed for children ages 5 to 12 who have experienced the death of a family member or friend. With a mixture of creative activities and tips for dealing with changes at school, home and with friends, this is a great tool for all grieving children. We’ve included a variety of drawing and writing exercises to help children remember the person who died, and learn new ways to live with the loss.

Creative Interventions for Bereaved Children; Liana Lowenstein;
A uniquely creative compilation of activities to help bereaved children express feelings of grief, diffuse traumatic reminders, address self-blame, commemorate the deceased, and learn coping strategies. Includes special activities for children dealing with the suicide or murder of a loved one. It covers a theoretical overview for practitioners, tips for caregivers and schools, and a ten-week curriculum for use in therapy or support groups. An invaluable resource for grief counselors, group facilitators, and school personnel.

Grief Bubble: Helping Kids Explore and Understand Grief (English and Spanish); Kerry DeBay;
A special book for children ages 6 and older who have experienced the death of someone special. The interactive format invites them to find expression for their thoughts and feelings, encouraging the exploration of their grief.

Healing your Grieving Heart for Kids; Alan D. Wolfelt;
Someone you love has died. This is probably a very sad and very hard time for you. The painful thoughts and feelings you have inside you are called grief. You need to let those thoughts and feelings out. Letting your grief is called mourning. This book will help you mourn in ways that feel comfortable for you. This book will help you feel better and live a happy, full life again. With sensitivity and insight, this series offers suggestions for healing activities that can help survivors learn to express their grief and mourn naturally. Acknowledging that death is a painful, ongoing part of life, they explain how people need to slow down, turn inward, embrace their feelings of loss, and seek and accept support when a loved one dies. Each book, geared for mourning adults, teens, or children, provides ideas and action-oriented tips that teach the basic principles of grief and healing. These ideas and activities are aimed at reducing the confusion, anxiety, and huge personal void so that the living can begin their lives again. Included in the books for teens and kids are age-appropriate activities that teach younger people that their thoughts are not only normal but necessary.

Healing your Grieving Heart Journal for Teens; Alan D. Wolfelt, Megan E. Wolfelt;
This unique guided journal encourages teens to learn about grief and mourning then write down their unique thoughts and feelings. Topics covered include: what makes each teen’s grief unique; common feelings after a death; the six needs of mourning; capturing memories of the person who died; and achieving reconciliation.

Help me Say Goodbye; Janis Silverman;
It is hard for children to say goodbye to someone they love. When a special person dies or becomes terminally ill, children need help coping with their grief and finding ways to remember and honor their special someone. Help Me Say Goodbye is an art therapy book that encourages children to express their feelings in words or pictures. It helps them think about what to say and do, how to deal with their feelings, and how to remember their special friend or relative. Families, teachers, school counselors will find Help Me Say Goodbye an invaluable tool when comforting a grieving child.

If Only; Carole Geithner;
If thirteen-year-old Corinna Burdette could have one wish, she knows exactly what it would be. When most girls her age are hoping for new cell phones or prettier hair, Corinna wishes that her mother, Sophie, was alive again. She knows that dying is a normal part of life, but having her mother taken away from her the summer before eighth grade wasn’t part of the plan. Now Corinna should do the unthinkable: concentrate in school, play soccer, and hang out with friends, all as if nothing has happened. Corinna’s dad tries to help, but he’s dealing with his own grief. Her friends try, but they don’t know what to say. Classmates whisper about her because is “the girl whose mom died.” While everyone else’s life is moving along, Corinna feels hers has stopped – it’s especially hard when, at any given moment, she feels like she might completely lose it. Even normal activities such as buying new clothes (her dad is clueless) or listening to music (which means sad songs) are laced with danger. But as Corinna’s year progresses, surprising things begin to happen, including a discovery that leads to information she never knew about her mother. Part heartbreaking, part funny, and boundlessly hopeful, Carole Geithner’s debut novel is nothing short of extraordinary.

Love Never Stops; Emilio Parga;
A Memory Book for Children by Emilio Parga, M.A. Founder of The Solace Tree, a center for grieving children in Reno, NV. A caring memory book for children of all ages. Guided headings include pages for children to write or draw.

Memories Live Forever (English and Spanish); Sharon Rugg;
This is a very special book — the words and pictures were created for you by kids your own age. The book was made especially for you to help you remember someone very important in your life who has died. That person may be a parent, a grandparent, a brother or sister or maybe even a friend. Death brings many confusing feelings that are hard to talk about. The exercises in this book provide different ways for you to remember times shared with the special person who died. You may choose to do all of the exercises or only some of them. Treat this book as your personal diary which you have created just for yourself, and share it with others only if you want. Working through this memory book will be like going on a trip with the friend or family member who died. As you remember the special times, you will begin to understand your feelings better and will be able to share them with the important people in your life.”

Remember – A Child Remembers; Enid Samuel-Traisman, M.S.W.;
Remember… A Child Remembers is a write-in memory book for bereaved children age 8-12. This journal is a unique tool for children who are grieving over the death of someone they love. There are pages for writing about the person’s life and death, a goodbye letter, a story about us, pages to draw the service, being angry, being happy, and many more. It will help the young person cope with the loss of a special relationship and keep the memories safely preserved.

Remembering Our Baby; Patti Keough;
A workbook for children whose brother or sister died. Includes pages for writing and drawing to help share thoughts and feelings. Begins with the family, finding out about the death, questions, and things to do to remember the baby. Ages 4-9. Revised 2006.

Someone Came Before You; Pat Schwiebert;
There are books for children to help them when the baby they are waiting for dies. And now there is a book for the child who comes after the one who died. It’s a perfect gift just for them. It explains in a gentle way the parents’ desire for a child and the sadness that comes over them when that baby dies. It then shares how the parents, with the help of the baby, get to the point of wanting another child to come into their lives. Recommended for age level 2 and up.

35 Ways to Help a Grieving Child; The Dougie Center;
This guidebook presents 35 simple and practical suggestions for supporting a grieving child. Drawn from the experiences of thousands of grieving children and teens about what helps and what doesn’t. Learn what to expect from grieving children at different ages, how to provide safe outlets for children to express their thoughts and feelings, and how to support them during the memorial service, holidays and anniversary times. From the Introduction: “One of the most important things we’ve learned from children is that everyone grieves differently. Cultural traditions, religious beliefs, family experiences and personality differences all influence the way we choose to express our grief. Not all the suggestions in this guidebook will apply to your situation. Take what is useful and helpful for you. When in doubt, ask a child or teenager what helps. They will tell you.”

Weird is Normal – When Teenagers Grieve; Jenny Lee Wheeler;
Teens grieve differently from adults and often get lost in the shuffle after the death of a loved one. Weird Is Normal When Teenagers Grieve is unique because it is a self-help book for grieving teens written by an actively grieving teen. Author Jenny Lee Wheeler lost her father to cancer when she was fourteen and validates for her peers that they have the right to grieve in their own way and according to their own timetable, that their grief attacks might be different from those of adults around them, and that they aren’t going crazy if they see signs from their loved one. Dr. Heidi Horsley writes in the Foreword, “Teen grief is often overlooked and unacknowledged. … Jenny’s journey will strike a note with teenagers everywhere who have experienced the loss of someone they love. She gives sound advice and lets them know they are not alone.”

We were Going to Have a Baby But had an Angel Instead; Pat Schwiebert;
A children’s book told from a young child’s perspective about the excitement and dreams of a coming baby, and the disappointment and sadness of a miscarriage. Beautiful ink and watercolor illustrations.

When Death Walks In; Mark Scrivani;
The most popular book for ages 13 up. Includes information about going back to school, dreams, friends and looks at ways of facing grief during the teen years. Gives important information about grief and what we can do about anger, sadness and all the emotions that come when death walks in.

When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death; Laurie Krasny Brown, Marc Brown;
A Guide to Understanding Death. A comprehensive, sensitive guide for families dealing with the loss of loved ones, When Dinosaurs Die helps readers understand what death means, and how to best cope with their feelings. Unlike many books on death for little ones, this one doesn’t tell a story. Instead, it addresses children’s fears and curiosity head-on, and in a largely secular fashion, by answering some very basic questions: “Why does someone die?” “What does dead mean?” “What comes after death?” Other questions deal with emotions, and there’s a section about death customs (the weakest part of the book). The forthright approach makes the subject seem less mysterious and provides kids with plenty to think about and discuss with their parents. It’s the brightly colored artwork, however, that will really enable children to relax with the concept. The pictures are filled with homey clutter and familiar detail, and the activities of the appealingly quirky characters (who resemble dinosaurs in only the broadest way) add a strong, comforting sense of what can only be called normalcy.

When Families Grieve; Sesame Street;
This kit includes a Sesame Street DVD, a Guide for Parents and Caregivers, and a Children’s Story. It is designed to help your family sort through complex emotions, remember the life of a loved one, and find strength in one another.

Who will Feed My Goldfish; Denien Vittorio Wilde;
“Who Will Feed My Goldfish?” is the story of a young girl who must face two different loses in her life; the loss of a beloved pet and the loss of a cherished younger brother. Lily finds that sometimes we do not always have answers to our questions. She discovers there is a place all creatures go after death where we are happy and have all we need; a place where we live with God. Lily learns that facing loss and expressing her grief are the first steps to healing her heart.

 

 

Books for Parents, Friends, Teachers, Counselors or Medical Staff

A Child’s View of Grief, A Guide for Parents, Teachers, and Counselors; Alan D. Wolfelt;
In this concise informative guide, Dr. Wolfelt explains how children and adolescents grieve after someone loved dies. His message is that grieving children are especially deserving of an emotional environment of love and acceptance. A must-read for adults who want to help the young people in their lives better cope with grief and go on to become emotionally healthy, life-loving adults themselves.

Companioning at a Time of Perinatal Loss. A Guide for Nurses, Physicians,…; Jane Heustis/ Marcia Jenkins;
The OB unit is the only hospital environment where life begins and, sometimes, tragically ends. Staff must alternate masks of comedy and tragedy as they care for the estimated 2-4 percent of deliveries that end in the death of a baby. How can you help families mourn and begin to heal in the painful but precious hours after miscarriage, premature birth, stillbirth and other forms of perinatal loss? Written by seasoned support nurses, this compassionate and practical guide offers a new model of bereavement care for nurses, physicians, social workers, chaplains and other bedside obstetrics caregivers. Based on Dr. Alan Wolfelt’s principles of companioning, the methods championed in this book–and illustrated through real-life stories–empower OB caregivers to truly understand and do what is best for each unique family.

No New Baby (English and Spanish); Marilyn Gryte;
For Siblings Who Have a Brother or Sister Die Before Birth. A wise Grandmother explains that you are not to blame and we don’t always have the answers. “Grandma took hold of my hand. She leaned over and picked something up off the ground. See this little bud? she asked. It was supposed to keep growing and turn into a flower. But it didn’t, and no one knows why. Most little buds become flowers, but some don’t. This one died. It will never be a flower now. I said.” Offers some guidelines to parents on how to talk to your child about the loss of your baby.

35 Ways to Help a Grieving Child; The Dougie Center;
This guidebook presents 35 simple and practical suggestions for supporting a grieving child. Drawn from the experiences of thousands of grieving children and teens about what helps and what doesn’t. Learn what to expect from grieving children at different ages, how to provide safe outlets for children to express their thoughts and feelings, and how to support them during the memorial service, holidays and anniversary times. From the Introduction: “One of the most important things we’ve learned from children is that everyone grieves differently. Cultural traditions, religious beliefs, family experiences and personality differences all influence the way we choose to express our grief. Not all the suggestions in this guidebook will apply to your situation. Take what is useful and helpful for you. When in doubt, ask a child or teenager what helps. They will tell you.”

What Family and Friends Can Do; Sherokee Ilse;
What Family and Friends Can Do is a sensible, encouraging and practical guide to assist you in reaching out to others who need you now more than ever. Background information and dozens of useful suggestions make this resource a must for relatives, co-workers, friends and professionals alike.

When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death; Laurie Krasny Brown, Marc Brown;
A comprehensive, sensitive guide for families dealing with the loss of loved ones, When Dinosaurs Die helps readers understand what death means, and how to best cope with their feelings. Unlike many books on death for little ones, this one doesn’t tell a story. Instead, it addresses children’s fears and curiosity head-on, and in a largely secular fashion, by answering some very basic questions: “Why does someone die?” “What does dead mean?” “What comes after death?” Other questions deal with emotions, and there’s a section about death customs (the weakest part of the book). The forthright approach makes the subject seem less mysterious and provides kids with plenty to think about and discuss with their parents. It’s the brightly colored artwork, however, that will really enable children to relax with the concept. The pictures are filled with homey clutter and familiar detail, and the activities of the appealingly quirky characters (who resemble dinosaurs in only the broadest way) add a strong, comforting sense of what can only be called normalcy.

When Families Grieve; Sesame Street;
This kit includes a Sesame Street DVD, a Guide for Parents and Caregivers, and a Children’s Story. It is designed to help your family sort through complex emotions, remember the life of a loved one, and find strength in one another.

 

Miscellaneous

Another Baby? Maybe; Maribeth Wilder Doerr/ Sherokee Ilse;
Another Baby? Maybe… is a new resource that provides suggestions and encouragement to bereaved parents contemplating or experiencing a pregnancy after miscarriage, infant loss or the death of an older child.

Art of Being a Healing Presence; James E. Miller and Susan C. Cutshall;
“The Art of Being a Healing Presence” shows how a difference can be made in the lives of others by learning to be present in a way that is healing, nurturing, and potentially even transforming. Seven steps to being a healing present are explained, including opening oneself, making the intention, preparing a space, honoring the other, offering what you have to give, receiving the gifts that come, and living a life of wholeness and balance. The book includes whole pages of quotations interspersed throughout. It’s full of essential information, yet still easy to read.

Coping with Holidays and Celebrations; Sherokee Ilse;
Coping with Holidays and Celebrations, by Sherokee Ilse, examines the difficulty one faces on holidays or at family gatherings after the loss of a child–it may be the anniversary of the baby’s birth and/or death, a family reunion, Mother’s/Father’s Day, or the normal family traditions of religious holidays. This booklet examines the feelings that one may have on these occasions and offers suggestions in dealing with relatives or friends who may force participation “for your own good.” It also contains dozens of positive and affirming suggestions for turning those difficult days toward inner reflection and even celebration of the baby.

Embraced by the Light; Betty J. Eadie;
Adding to such accounts as George Ritchie’s Return from Tomorrow and Dr. Raymond A. Moody’s Life After Life, Betty Eadie’s experience offers astonishing proof of a life after physical death. She saw more, perhaps, than any other person has seen of the afterlife, and she came back with an almost photographic view. Betty was given a message to share with others that has filled millions with hope and a renewed desire to love. Embraced by The Light recounts the people she met, the truths she learned, and the magnificent realities of the spirit world. The book begins with Betty’s descent after surgery into death. Her spirit leaves her body and travels toward a brilliant light whom she recognizes as Jesus Christ and who is waiting to greet her. Jesus tells her that she has died but that it is “not yet” her time. Before returning her to her earth life, Jesus sends her on a journey to learn about the spiritual laws that govern us in life–laws that are eternal, laws that if followed, bring God’s peace and joy and love into our lives. In today’s world of violence and uncertainty, the message of Embraced by The Light comforts troubled hearts. It reflects everyone’s hope for wholeness, for happiness, for abundance in God’s love which transforms every sorrow into joy.

Mother Care; Inez Anderson, Mary Funk, Sherokee Ilse;
Mother Care is a new resource to aid and empower bereaved mothers to take good care of themselves after their baby’s death. The physical, emotional and spiritual components of healing are addressed in this short guide.

New Day Journal; Mauryeen O’Brien;
Through a series of reflections combined with writing and sharing activities suitable for groups or individuals, The New Day Journal helps people accept the reality of their loss.

Planning a Precious Good-Bye; Susan Erling Martinez, Sherokee Ilse;
Following miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS or infant death. Planning A Precious Goodbye is a necessary resource for every newly bereaved family. It offers the family guidance and specific suggestions for creating a meaningful and memorable service for their baby who has died. Readings, poems, songs, Scripture verse, announcement examples and many options are shared. It is practical, comprehensive and sensitive.

Single Parent Grief; Sherokee Ilse;
For women and men who are single and dealing with the death of a child in miscarriage, as an infant or as an older child. From the Introduction: “When a baby or solder child dies, hearts break and arms ache. You have lost a lot and it isn’t fair. The age of your child, your age, whether you are a single parent, or whether or not you are a woman or a man, doesn’t make anything easier. What is common to everyone is the intensity of the feelings that assault you after such a loss. It reminds you of how vulnerable you are and increases your need to be loved and cared for by those who are close to you. Most resources are written for couples–either living together, married, or in a committed relationship. Single Parent Grief, however, is specifically written for single parents without a steady partner. It is meant to assist you in the early days of your loss. You will find helpful hints, resources and suggestions for places to turn and ways to seek the support you deserve and need.”

 

WEBSITES

General Grief and Loss

AARP’s Grief and Loss
Offering articles, discussions, resources and tools for coping with grief and the loss of a loved one.

Association of Death Education & Counseling
ADEC is an interdisciplinary organization in the field of dying, death and bereavement. Its members include mental and medical health personnel, educators, clergy, funeral directors, and volunteers.

The Bradley Center for Grieving Children and Families
The Bradley Center for Grieving Children and Families provides support for children, teens, young adults and their families following a death through peer support groups, training and education.

Good Grief
Good Grief’s mission is to provide unlimited and free support to children, teens, young adults, and families after the death of a mother, father, sister, or brother through peer support programs, education, and advocacy.

GriefNet
An Internet community of persons dealing with grief, death and major loss.

GriefShare
GriefShare groups meet weekly to help you face these challenges and move toward rebuilding your life.

HOPE for Bereaved, Inc.
Provides hope, support and services for the bereaved.

National Cancer Institute
This patient summary on loss, grief, and bereavement is adapted from the summary written for health professionals by cancer experts.

National Library of Medicine and National Institutes of Health
Entry from online medical encyclopedia including symptoms and treatments of grief, as well as links to support groups.

Haven of Northern Virginia
A non-profit, non-sectarian community organization of trained volunteers that offer emotional support to the bereaved, the seriously ill, the dying and to their family and friends. Haven provides education to the community about the needs of those who are grieving. Offering one-to-one support, open and closed groups for widow/widowers, loss to suicide, general bereavement and children and teens who are grieving.

The Wendt Center
The Wendt Center for Loss and Healing is a premier resource for restoring hope and healthy functioning to adults, teens and children who are coping with grief.

 

Death from Aids

CDC National AIDS Clearinghouse
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s primary reference, referral, and publications distribution service for HIV and AIDS information. Services are aimed primarily at professionals.
P.O. Box 6003, Rockville, MD 20849-6003.
Phone (800) 458-5231.
TTY (800) 243-7012. E-mail: info@cdcnpin.org.

 

Death of Armed Forces or Law Enforcement Officer

COPS—Concerns of Police Survivors, Inc.
Nationwide non-profit 501(c)(3) organization providing resources to assist in the rebuilding of the lives of survivors of law enforcement officers killed in the line of duty as determined by Federal government criteria.

TAPS—Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, Inc.
National non-profit organization made up of, and providing services to, all those whose loved one has died while serving in the Armed Forces.

 

 

 

Death from Cancer

American Cancer Society
Information on cancer, including coping with a long-term illness and dealing with grief and loss after death from cancer.

Candelighters, Childhood Cancer Foundation
A national non-profit membership organization whose mission is to educate, support, serve, and advocate for families of children with cancer, survivors of childhood cancer, and the professionals who care for them.

 

Death of a Child/Children

Alive Alone
Organization for bereaved parents, whose only child or all children are deceased.

BP/USA—Bereaved Parents of the USA
Nationwide organization designed to aid and support bereaved parents and their families who are struggling to survive their grief after the death of a child.

Compassionate Friends
Grief Compassionate Friends provides highly personal comfort, hope, and support to every family experiencing the death of a son or a daughter, a brother or a sister, or a grandchild, and helps others better assist the grieving family. In-Person and On-Line Support

MADD—Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD)
MADD’s mission is to stop drunk driving, support the victims of this violent crime and prevent underage drinking.

I.S.S. Foundation (Mothers In Sympathy and Support)
Offers support to families in crisis after the death from any cause of a baby or young child.

POMC—Parents of Murdered Children, Inc.
POMC® makes the difference through on-going emotional support, education, prevention, advocacy, and awareness.

 

Death of an Infant

First Candle/SIDS Alliance
SIDS and Other Infant Death bereavement services are a critical component of the Alliance’s mission.

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep
Free of charge remembrance photographs for families that lose a baby at birth.

SIDS Network
Web site of information about Sudden Infant Death Syndrome and Other Infant Death (SIDS/OID).

Still Fathers
A group for fathers who have experienced stillbirth, infant death or miscarriages.

 

Death of a Parent(s)

A Time To Grieve
Information for those who have experienced the death of a parent.

 

Death of a Sibling

The Sibling Connection
Information for siblings who have lost a brother or sister during childhood, adolescence or adulthood.

 

Death of a Spouse/Partner

AARP’s Grief and Loss
A collection of articles and resources including “On Being Alone: A Guide for the Newly Widowed.”

WidowNet
Information and self-help resources for and by widows and widowers.

 

For Elderly People

ElderHope, LLC
Dying, death and grief information targeted to the elderly, including an online class on grief.

 

For Homicide Survivors

ElderHope, LLC
Dying, death and grief information targeted to the elderly, including an online class on grief.

National Center for Victims of Crime
Information and resources for those who have had a loved one murdered.
2000 M Street NW, Suite 480
Washington, DC 20036
Phone:  (202) 467-8700

National Organization for Victim Assistance (NOVA)
1757 Park Rd., Washington, DC 20010
Phone (202) 232-6682 or (800) 879-6682. Email info@trynova.org

Office of Victims of Crime Resource Center, National Criminal Justice Reference Service, US Dept. of Justice
POMC’s vision is to provide support and assistance to all survivors of homicide victims while working to create a world free of murder.
Box 600, Rockville, MD 20850
Phone (800) 851-3420

POMC (Parents of Murdered Children)
POMC’s vision is to provide support and assistance to all survivors of homicide victims while working to create a world free of murder.

 

For Suicide Survivors

Friends for Survival, Inc.
Friends For Survival, Inc. is a national non-profit outreach organization open to those who have lost family or friends by suicide and also to professionals who work with those who have been touched by a suicide tragedy.

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
Provides programs and resources for survivors of suicide loss and people with mood disorders, and involves them in the work of the Foundation.